To all the nameless, faceless people out there that I’ve harmed over the years: sorry. These are the people I can’t add to the list by name, because I never knew them. I’m not counting the ones I’ve harmed by thought only: a mumbling curse under my breath in traffic doesn’t count. Following the offending vehicle all the way to their house, jumping out and screaming hate at them from the street, does.
Step Eight: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
To everyone who couldn’t be bothered to hold the door for me and received a snarky “no problem, I got it” shout-out. To those whom I held the door for and received a snarky, “you’re welcome” for not appropriately thanking me. To the people who’s carts I move for them. To the cashiers I belittled. To all the bewildered people I left in my obsenity-laden dust as I escaped from a normal situation that I couldn’t handle appropriately.
I needed to put society as a whole on my list.
All things in life used to be obstructions. And with cyclical, dog-chasing-tail, somersaulting alcoholism, I drank to avoid them, I drank to get through them, and I drank to forget them.
These are behaviors that need to be apologized for through my daily amends. Hold the door, don’t hold the door, doesn’t matter. Do both with an accepting smile and exhale. So many of these harms disappear when I simply quit moving so damn fast.
Remember: Live among, not above.