Understanding that my life isn’t completely wasted has been the greatest gift that the 12 step program has given me.
Gratitude week, day seven: grateful for gratitude.
There will be setbacks, and down times when it seems like I’m one of the constitutionally incapable people. But it doesn’t need to stay that way. In the past, these feelings would lead me to drink and forget, as that seemed to be the only option. Nothing got resolved, only put off; made more insurmountable, and more hopeless. The only way I could let go was through chemistry.
Now, when I am in a bad place mentally, there are various options available to me. None of these options may be things I want to do; in fact, many times they are the last things I want to attempt. Because sorrow and anger and unspecified dissatisfaction can keep me off the beam forever. Then, I forget what I need to get myself centered, because I can’t figure out what I’m upset about. As long as I keep things fuzzy, I can soak in the bad vibes all day long. Misery begets misery.
For today: Understand that unhappiness happens. The goal in life isn’t to be in a constant state of happiness. Be grateful that as long as I’m sober, I’ve got a starting point.