When treating gratitude as if it’s a given; commonplace, taken for granted… isn’t that pride at its finest?
Gratitude Week, Day Four: For What I Have Not.
Assuming everything I have was already owed me, and that I’m still owed a lot I haven’t received, becomes the perfect mind-set for drinking. It’s a nebulous feeling; one that can’t be pinpointed or zeroed in on. Just an overall dissatisfaction that permeates throughout everything I touch in a day. Unsure of what I need to blame, I casually blame everything. If I can’t get what I want (because I don’t know what I want), then society doesn’t deserve the best of me. That’ll show ‘em.
Like I’m saving myself for something.
It’s not about accumulation. Never has been. It’s about being able to enjoy my life, and not worrying if other people think I’m enjoying it. That’s an alcoholic mind screw that gets me every time. It also happens to be the true motive of a sociopath: to only feel love through other people’s envy. Which was hard to do when my days were spent isolating and drinking.
Considering I’m all gloom and doom a decent part of the time, why not turn those negatives into “there but for the grace of God go I”-type deals? Be grateful it’s not much, much worse. Think of all the things I’m thankfully not addicted to, and considering my personality, those are little miracles right there.
Today: I’m thankful I don’t need to be caught up in myself.