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My solution to life is for my head to say, “if that’s how it’s going to be, I’ll just do this, then. I’ll just be this way. I’ll just act like this from now on when that happens. That’s how I handle it.”

Sidebar: tomorrow I’ll be addressing the first problem with the above; something that I just noticed upon re-reading: that I view life as something that requires a solution.

Moving on. I work out imaginary scenarios that need to be dealt with, and oh, how I deal with them. I’m dropping the hammer on things that will never happen, ever. But these scenarios are upsetting and unfair to me (they’d better be, I created them) and my anger is therefore justified, and I let loose with the righteousness. This goes out to no one in particular, or, more often, no one. The car, the garage, my dog.

It’s advanced rationalization. If they are going to say something about this, then I’ll simply blah-blah-blah. Two can play at this game I just invented.

I have a weird guilt complex about doing what I want. Like I’m not entitled. Nine times out of 10, the response is “sure, fine, have fun.” This is me asking to go to the library for an hour.

Letting go also means quit prepping for the impossible. Or improbable. Or paranoid. That’s a lot of time spent erecting crazy scaffolding in my brain.

Life is lived. And since I can’t walk around with note cards, mentally working on having a retort for everything is no way to go through an existence.

Try: Playing it by ear without the alcoholic afterthoughts.

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