Today was day one of something I should have been doing since the moment I said I would.

Upon waking up, I excuse myself and go directly to the basement, into the back room, where I sit on a couch, close my eyes and attempt eight minutes of meditation. I don’t think about the steps, the alcoholism, the job, the family, the friends, the anything. I listen quietly to the guided meditation on my iPod, and concentrate on my breathing.

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

Because, believe it or not, I can wake up completely wrong-sized.

It’s weird, needing to calm down one minute after waking up, but that appears to be the case with me. And, if I’m all about being preemptive, then this is the most logical step. I know others in the program do morning readings, prayers, and meditations, and I agreed that it sounded like something I should be doing. And that’s as far as I ever took it. This is what they mean by working the program. Have a schedule. Keep it. I can’t think of a better way to start the day than centering myself, reminding myself of my disease, my will, my need to control, and how that leads to a day of despair.

Who knows what kind of alcoholic shenanigans my brain got up to during the night? It’s like the dehumidifier. When I went to bed it was running, and now, in the morning, it’s stopped and is full of water. I need to dump all that out in the utility sink and start fresh. If I don’t, things start to smell.

For today: don’t stink.

One thought on “empty out.

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