Here’s what prayer and meditation have in common for me: both require me to stop moving. I’ve often heard in meetings how alcoholics are highly functioning individuals. If that means the inability to sit still, then I’ve got that in spades.

I am assuming the term “highly functional” is a backhanded compliment to the fact that I was able to go through life with so much poison in my body. Wow! Most people couldn’t handle those levels and still maintain something that sort of resembles a normal existence. Well, it did require diligence. Operating at that level of tolerance doesn’t happen overnight.

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

It’s the difficulty of living in the moment. I’m always halfway onto the next thing before my current project’s complete. Mainly, the feeling of anxious wish fulfillment dominates my thoughts. Once this is over with, then I can relax. Taking a moment for myself will happen once I’ve done a, b and c. But when I take something as far as it can go for the day, I then spend the next few hours still wishing it could be finished, or dwelling on what needs to be accomplished tomorrow.

This just keeps me in a state of unrest, which quickly gets transformed into dissatisfaction over all aspects of my life. Distortions follow, and my alcoholism is off and running.

And though it sounds simple, it turns out to be one of the hardest things to do: relax beforehand. Work on my conscious contact with my God, meditate on this moment, this day, and let go of perceived entanglements.

All I need to do is ask.

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