Wow, was I glossing over this step. I’m going to break it down, real simple-like for myself. For there are times when my alcoholism hides behind the big words and rabbit holes, clogging my sobriety with theory-based resolutions and recognitions. I get all caught up in the me moment, and if I’m feeling good, then there’s little need to look closer.
My alcoholism looks totally manageable at 30,000 feet. That’s where my ballooned ego floats.
Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
I’m serious. I’m pulling this one apart.
Continued to take personal inventory. That phrase always conjures up the image of ticker tape for me. Wherever I go a short, stereotypical accountant from the forties (green visor, black glasses, balding) follows closely behind, clutching over-bound ledgers, random papers flying loose as he rushes around me. This is my conscience, my Piglet. Hell, the guy who did Piglet’s voice is the stereotypical accountant. In this scenario, I’m the tall, confident big-shot that walks and talks and makes things happen while lesser men (my accountant) struggle to keep up.
Anyway. Wherever I go, whatever I do, say, hear, etc., comes with choices, interactions, behaviors, etc., that are being tabulated and scored as part of my personal inventory. And as long as I keep things light and fluffy, there’s not a whole lot to report. Back in the not-too-way-back, these et ceteras would’ve only validated my need for increased isolation. Solving problems the proactive way: simply don’t show.
What needs to happen is a new examination of the personal inventories I’ve been taking for granted: the stuff I assume is right-sized, taken care of, no longer an issue. Could some of them be giant flaws that I’ve never seen in the proper light before? Well, assuming that I’ve been wrong about things in the past, and that my memories and intellect aren’t always to be trusted, then yeah, maybe a fresh look at some old behaviors is what’s called for in this situation.
That’s not to say that black is white and up is down. I’m not that far off the beam. Nothing requires the wrapping of foil around my head, but be aware that some of my pillars might be made of salt.