apocalyptic alcoholism.

A little good behavior goes a long way for this alcoholic. It’s like community service; why would you do it for anything less than double hours?

Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

I don’t get to determine when or if someone wants to forgive me or not. I’m  a kid constantly checking the oven to see if the cookies are done. I have to keep from throwing a fit when I’m told, “not yet.”

And I already know when it will or won’t happen: when I stop thinking about it. When achieving total forgiveness is no longer a concern and my sobriety is, that’s when forgiveness might be possible. They need to see it in me before I do.

But my sobriety can get just as jazzed up as my alcoholism. When everything is going great, everyone I run into should be ready for more of life’s awesomeness. Can’t they recognize this good vibe I’m riding? We’re talking days without self-sabotaging, people! But they have their own lives, and I become annoyed when they aren’t ready to go to the pool when I am.

I must understand: It’s possible to have fun with someone who hasn’t totally forgiven you. Sullenly waiting for absolution gets nothing accomplished, and it squashes future growth. And it’s a pisser.

Short lesson: Enjoy the day. Do the work. And vice versa. Then sleep.