Today’s blog is going to be short and depressive and to this oxygen-deprived, exhausted alcoholic, totally, 100% accurate. Been up since 6:00. Spent 8 hours trying to buy a used car, 7 hours doing work from home, and all the time in between watching the net tighten around my existence, forcing all those too close to be caught as well, hauled up out of the water to suffocate.
My choices suffocate people. I need to suffocate my choices. Cut off the choice maker’s hands. Eliminate options. Stare at something of little consequence until a tear falls. And whenever I stay perfectly still and stare at something long enough, eventually I’ll cry. What does that tell you?
It tells me I don’t belong here. Never have. And I can attend all the meetings and hug all the old ladies and say all the platitudes I want, but at the end of the day, those who love me, stop.
This is why I drank in the first place: to fill the void that comes from eliminating human interaction. And come hell or high water, I’m determined to prove to everyone who ever cared about me that they were right to get out when they did.
Heed my warning: nothing to see here.