Time to let people know that I’m going to make things right. And if I can’t make things right, at least I can stop making them wrong.
Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
I split my amends into two categories: those that I see often and those that I never see.
The never-sees require special one-time meetings. Getting those amends out of the way feels great, because odds are I’ll never see them again (hence the name). That part of my side of the street gets to stay clean in perpetuity.
The amends to those that are in my daily life require special compensation. These people have heard all the apologies, regrets, and self-loathing before. Letting them know that I’m in a program that’s designed to help me act better might fall on suspicious or doubtful ears. But that’s okay: I don’t deserve anything more than that. And that shouldn’t be what I’m looking for, i.e., the one-time fix. That’s how my alcoholism needs apologies to go. It needs everything okay before I go off to drink.
But some things can’t and won’t be forgiven, and for those I must let go and continue sweeping, head-down. Don’t make a resentment out of someone else’s resentment.