In the latter stages of my drinking, I was puking, on average, 4 to 5 times a week. Rarely in the morning, and never from a hangover.

Side note: I never got hangovers. My maintenance program knew I couldn’t do the math with hard liquor, so I was strictly cheap, high-alcohol content tall boys.

I’d throw up to maintain the proper balance. Overshot my limit this morning? No problem for the Piss & Puke Cup living under the passenger’s seat. There were many cup iterations throughout the years, not unlike Doctor Who. Usually, I looked for plastic. Washable. A McDonald’s large promotional cup of some type.

I’m not sure if this is the science behind it, but it felt like my body was finding alternatives to filtering the large quantities; my liver only being able to handle so much. Try leaving the booze float in my stomach for an hour, then purge. That should be enough time to absorb the mind-altering chemical, hopefully?

Purge is the friendly way to say that I set the Piss & Puke Cup in my lap, took my left hand and jammed my index and middle finger down my throat. I’d break open the membrane of Milwaukee and fill to the top, the latest Disney new movie tie-in character staring up at me all big-eyed and innocent. I clamp my mouth tight, roll down the window, cover the car door, transfer the second brew from Louis Armstrong’s cheeks to Cup. Exhale.

I was literally forcing my body to run on poisons. It shouldn’t have worked, like a car fueled on coffee, but stubborn insanity kept me upright until these became the recommended procedures required to maintain this model’s functionality.

Now: I forgot how often I use to puke. Today, I can’t recall exactly, maybe within a month, but it was legit – the flu. Never did a virus make me feel so normal.

One thought on “vomiting. let’s talk about it.

  1. Oh dear, the topic that people love to like to hate…ha ha.

    I wasn’t much of a puker, but when I did, it was only to get the stuff down at first. Drank against my body’s wishes. Throw up the first few drinks of poison (body revolting against it – what it’s meant to do) before finally getting that first one down. Then let the physical craving kick in and let it work itself out. Damn that proper balance…

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