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Maybe I’m reading step 3 wrong, but it looks like I get to make my own God. Like Build-A-Bear.

Step 3:
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood him.

Everyone has a different understanding of God. But know this: it’s all learned. It’s all based on things I was told. And if that God wasn’t helping me quit drinking, it’s time I created a new one. No need to cling to origin stories.

No more Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Muhammad, Jehovah or John Smith. No more middlemen.
Same goes for the buildings. No temples, churches, synagogues, mosques or sweat lodges.
Ditto that for people. No preachers, priests, rabbis, evangelists or talk show hosts.

When I was an unstoppable drinker, God didn’t think about me. He had bigger problems to work on, and knew I would be able to fend for myself. So even the foxhole prayers I knew were falling upon deaf ears. They were bullshit prayers anyway, and we both knew it. Why bother responding?

These days, I have a somewhat better idea of what it means to have a God of my understanding. And not only a God that deals with the negative side of me. I’m not looking to be constantly carried along the beach. I don’t have to wait until everything is burnt to the ground before turning to God for help. Getting out in front of it; using the Serenity Prayer as a preemptive strike; that’s really the key.

Because I’m tired of saying I’m sorry. Now I have the wherewithal to ask for a personal time-out from the day – and go get re-centered. My sanity can’t drive cross-country in a day. It needs many rest stops.

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