chapter 5. How it works. part 10.
Pages 58 and 59 for those of you playing at home.

Remember that we deal with alcohol – cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for us.

I hate to be a stickler, but it’s not alcohol that’s the problem. It’s alcoholism. The disease. The liquid known as alcohol isn’t coming up with cunning, baffling and powerful ways to end up in my system. It doesn’t disguise itself as a jelly-filled donut, or send itself to my workplace as a candygram. I needn’t be ever-vigilant in case alcohol jumps out from behind a dark corner.

The disease that lives in my brain is the culprit. Sometimes it rationalizes. Sometimes it justifies. Other times it’s the cold, hard squeezing of my gut and heart. The false conviction that I’ve destroyed everyone and everything. Proactively blurring bad memories. Sad, sad, drink, sad.

Or it’ll try the opposite. Celebration! Jubilation! Full Faith in Me. “Look how good I’m doing! I obviously can handle this.” Happy, happy, drink, happy.

What I know about myself, and what I’m afraid my alcoholism knows as well, is this:
I don’t need a reason to drink. I don’t need an excuse to pick up. I just need to let go of God, this program, and the fellowship. I just need to turn my back on three things.

Oh, wait. Family, friends, job, neighbors, myself. So, more like eight things.

That’s a whole lotta back turnin’.

One thought on “the calls are coming from inside the house.

  1. I totally agree with you that alcohol is a symptom of my illness and you described it brilliantly although for me I am glad at the beginning the emphasis was put on alcohol being the culprit as that is what brought me through the doors. Had I been let into the secret of the illness of alcoholism that early I am sure I would have scoffed at the sentiment and walked straight back out to only God knows what fate. It has taken me a few years to grasp many things some people learn very early on 🙂

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