chapter 5. How it works. part 7.
Pages 58 and 59 for those of you playing at home.
With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start.
Once I admitted I was an alcoholic, there was no turning back. Even if I returned to sneaking drinks and lying to everyone I knew, in my head the truth sat waiting to be acknowledged. For more than 15 years that was my M.O.
But I always knew. And really, at the end of the day, isn’t that the only thing that matters? Was I really waiting for someone to forever stand beside me, knocking the drink out of my hand? Because I know that’s what I would have preferred. See, I secretly knew there was no way I’d stop on my own. But the program seemed so… massive. I had yet to learn I didn’t need to run up the steps.
Being fearless and thorough from the very start for me meant no more hiding: it was time to share. The good part was that I was sharing with others who understood, been there, seen worse and knew how to survive. So not bringing full disclosure to the tables is like going to a doctor with the giant lump on your throat and not bringing it up.
Sure, it can be embarrassing. But the way I look at it, I already lost the ability to be embarrassed anymore. And once I started working the program, and it started working me, embarrassment became one of the emotions I’m able to laugh at, on certain occasions.
How? Because people in these rooms have taught me that while I can be fearless and thorough, I need to always remember to laugh at myself and not take things so seriously, a day at a time.