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chapter 5. How it works. part 2.
Pages 58 and 59 for those of you playing at home.

My terminal uniqueness was sitting back in the Lazy Boy recliner. I was beyond help, and happy about it.

Please understand, I’m not your typical alcoholic. The opening paragraph said as much: They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way.

I often stop reading before I should. It’s amazing how the book immediately addresses my red flags in the very same paragraph: There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

I didn’t just start drinking too much because of all the fun I was having. It was never because I let the party go on too long. I needed alcohol to attend the party in the first place. Then we just start staying in.

I never had the tremors. I did throw up every other day, but I figured that was the price of admission. Whatever percentage the physical addiction was, it was low. Sure, the cravings were there, just not so much in my gut.

It wasn’t that I was having too much fun and didn’t know when to stop. I started drinking alone almost immediately because I couldn’t stand my own company. And yet, at the same time, I thought I was the most interesting person on the planet. Not so much “Pride in Reverse” as “Pride in Rolling Backwards”.

My Reminder: Hopelessness gives me permission to do nothing. That’s why, even when things are going good:

I need to be mindful of any unhealthy thinking.
I honestly know my brain can be way off-base; even hurtfully, willfully wrong.
I’ve changed many of my actions. It’s okay to start changing my thoughts as well.

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