Saturday was rocky, but was recovered. Now, with two days remaining on this three-day weekend, unstructured time is a clear and present danger. As a result, this morning, I listed out the one or two projects I wanted to work on. With, and this is the important part, the understanding that I didn’t need to get them done. None of these projects involve electricity or plumbing. It’s planting vegetables. It’s sanding an old table for refinishing. It’s moving stuff around in the garage with the ball game on the radio.
It’s also about just doing nothing. Fill an hour with nothing. It’s okay. Actually, that’s kind of the point of life, isn’t it? Now I understand sitting on the front porch with a lemonade. Take in the passing of ordinary time without the need to craft it into some gigantic fun adventure.
That said, I’m often not there. Sometimes, it takes a bit of centering before I can sit in one place for more than 5 minutes. But I need these resets. It’s these once in a while sit-downs that refocuses my attention on what’s really happening in the walking-talking contraption that is me.
Time flies when I’m living my life. However, it can drag on forever when I’m constantly concentrating on not drinking. Nothing wrong with a little distraction, however small.
Today, I understand: The goal of my program isn’t to be normal. It’s to be sober.