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I’ve got a hand-written note that I taped to the inside front of my wallet. It says “First surrender, then serenity.” That’s what praying means to me: surrendering. And I fight this idea, every now and again.

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 

With prayer I’m giving up; with meditation I’m giving in. I’m actively and passively turning my will over, all the while feeling the quitter. Look what the drunk needs to do.

But it’s not just alcohol I’m fighting. It’s life that I’m fighting as well. Can’t win that one. It’s that old standby – shame of my needing to daily affirm my failure. Pride going backwards.

Yesterday, I was worried I’d become a zealot. Today, I’m not worthy of zealously.

My alcoholism does not quit. It gets anniversary chips, same as me.
“How’d you get him, alcoholism?”
“A day at a time.”

Alcoholism is the greatest fishermen of all time. The tackle box is endless.

That’s when I look at the big picture. And I understand that through letting go and prayer and meditation, I have more opportunities to live a life that I never thought possible. Sometimes a day at a time gets too myopic, and I’m running into trees searching for the forest until I’m lost.

Hint: look up.

One thought on “don’t fight it.

  1. I loved the line about alcoholism being the greatest fisherman of all time. Bang on.

    You have a way of distilling things right to the core, and in a funny and laid back way. I really dig your writing. I am glad you are daily – I get my fix!

    I speak to The Man in my prayer and I hear Him in meditation. He gets to talk back. Most of my illuminating thoughts and notions and guidance came through my meditation practice. I feel it when I don’t meditate for a day or more. Lately it’s been more – need to get back into it.

    Awesome post, kind sir. Zealot or not, keep up the good work.

    Paul

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