I’ve got a hand-written note that I taped to the inside front of my wallet. It says “First surrender, then serenity.” That’s what praying means to me: surrendering. And I fight this idea, every now and again.
Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
With prayer I’m giving up; with meditation I’m giving in. I’m actively and passively turning my will over, all the while feeling the quitter. Look what the drunk needs to do.
But it’s not just alcohol I’m fighting. It’s life that I’m fighting as well. Can’t win that one. It’s that old standby – shame of my needing to daily affirm my failure. Pride going backwards.
Yesterday, I was worried I’d become a zealot. Today, I’m not worthy of zealously.
My alcoholism does not quit. It gets anniversary chips, same as me.
“How’d you get him, alcoholism?”
“A day at a time.”
Alcoholism is the greatest fishermen of all time. The tackle box is endless.
That’s when I look at the big picture. And I understand that through letting go and prayer and meditation, I have more opportunities to live a life that I never thought possible. Sometimes a day at a time gets too myopic, and I’m running into trees searching for the forest until I’m lost.
Hint: look up.