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And all this time I was practicing medication and prayer.
As in, get drunk and pray no one notices.

Step 11: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

For me, putting prayer first was important. Switching to meditation was essential.
“Prayer is when you talk to God; meditation is when you listen to God.” During my entire run I don’t think I ever listened. Even when I practiced meditation during my functioning drunk years, it was nothing more than a glorified sleep aid.

Now, a good meditation, even five to eight minutes, can feel like I’ve taken a power spray to the inside of my skull. The simple science of putting more oxygen into my lungs and brain, coupled with being conscious of the fact that’s all I’m doing – must be what the hippies mean by “blowing your mind”.

I assume. There’s a wonderful freedom that comes with knowing that for the next five to eight minutes nothing has to happen. I won’t be missed, things won’t fall apart, and when I return, I will be in a much better space to handle whatever. Even if there’s nothing to handle: preemptive meditation’s where it’s at.

The truth? I blow it off constantly. And when I make time, it’s often a wrestling matching up there.

Practice, not perfection. What, I’m surprised my mind is loud? Huh. I shall meditate on that. Right now. And again later. Because it’s truly a reset button that I far too seldom press.

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