Lose the attitude. Everyone wants to prove that they are better than me in everything. Everyone’s a pro golfer. Everyone’s a professional chef. Everyone is unbelievably great at something, if not everything. Getting into these arguments of who’s better at what does nothing but erode my sobriety.

Who cares who’s better? It’s a giant waste of time and energy. It’s like what I was saying about opinions; I won’t be changing anyone’s. It’s much easier and much more healthy just to go along with whatever someone is saying. If they need to blow themselves up all day long in front of me, I should be willing to smile and say great job.

I need to remember to take myself out of the competition of life. Because the second I start comparing myself to others, I lose in every category. Everyone makes more money than me, everyone drives a nicer car than me, everyone lives in a bigger house than me, everyone is better looking than me, everyone has a better personality than me, everyone’s smarter than me.

Thank God I’m tall.

Accepting these facts make my days go much easier. The second I start trying to climb over others is when my misery begins. I need to quit asking for reassurance. All that gets me is a condescending pat on the head, leaving me even more angry.

And susceptible to going back out there, because what’s the freakin’ point, yeah? If I’m already beneath everyone in everything, might as well make it worth my while. You thought I was piece of crap before? Just you hang on a minute.

This kind of comparative thinking wreaks havoc with my sobriety. If I am truly going to live right-sized, I shouldn’t be concerned that my right-size is much, much smaller than everyone else’s. Of course I’m going to lose to the boom and flash.

Serenity always loses to loud and obnoxious braggarts. I should know, I spent years being one. Now that I have the benefit of a program, I shouldn’t be angry when others are acting the way I acted. There but for the grace of God, right?

I need to remember that life isn’t a contest. Thank God, because I’ve been losing badly.

2 thoughts on “the great compare.

  1. Great post – I can relate to it all. There is always someone better looking, who has more money, who got more girls, who is smarter, who got better grades, who has a nice house, etc. But outside of that are the way that I would compare myself to others, and like you, I would get mangled and beat down pretty quickly. There was no way i could match up…so might as well drag down and drag down hard. Like you said, you think I am a piece of crap now? Hold on to your hats! Comparing myself to others is still a character defect that just loves to crop up…with it’s bro self-pity driving shotgun. I am getting much better at it, and it doesn’t last nearly as long as it used to. I just have to compare me to me. But the trick was actually liking myself before I could do that.

    Cool beans there, Paul.


    (the other) Paul

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s