Once my list got sizeable enough, I started to notice patterns in the rows and columns. Repeats and reruns, if… then loops that only required my allowance. And I didn’t need to be a Soviet chess savant to crack the code.
I wasn’t the best at understanding, working or living my life, and alcohol made it much, much worse. Often through fear, anger and embarrassment.
Step Eight: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Even without the aid of a highlighter, it was plain to see that I was always doing what I always did. Re-occurring lash-outs? Familiar lies and excuses used ad nauseam; justified reasonings and rationales lounging on emotional crutches. They were lazy as they wanna be.
Because my alcoholism is only as clever as it needs to be. Once it’s found something that works, a pattern that fits the bill, it stops looking. Don’t fix it if it ain’t broke.
Job for Monday through Sunday: Recognize the Insanity (which is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results).