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Do you know what going to bed with resentments does? Ensures that you’ll wake up with resentments. Before my feet hit the floor this morning, my mind immediately jump-started to the last thing it remembered: discontentment. I’m defeated before my morning pee.

I’m attempting a month of humility:
Humility simply requires a man to think of his abilities and his actions as no greater, and no lesser, than they really are. Real humility then mandates that a man knows and is completely honest with himself.

I’m mixing my humility with hopelessness. In order for myself to achieve and maintain proper perspective, I must accept things that really bother me until they go away, or at least lessen their grip. But I often equate accepting with condoning; not only must I eat the crap sandwich, I must also compliment the chef.

That’s not humility. That’s self-flagellation. It’s believing that I somehow deserve this hopelessness, this inner turmoil, as penance for being a crappy human.

And when I do the work and stop haranguing myself, I skim past being right-sized and humble. I become resentful at the situation that made me feel hopeless in the first place. Anger rules my morning commute. I’m sick and desperate; false stories and beliefs fill my mind until everything’s off the rails by seven o’clock.

I need to get over myself. So, to that end, I get to work, sit in my office and pull out my Thought For The Day. I get on my knees and close my eyes and turn it over, which is code for, “God, please help me stop dwelling and internalizing, twisting and obsessing.” If there’s one thing this addict brain of mine loves, it’s a no-win situation.

But thoughts like that have done nothing but keep me defensive and paranoid. In my life, there needs to be no scorecard. I must stop tallying, because my ledger isn’t pretty. Quit thinking of life in terms of winners and losers.

Humility is: simply playing a game of catch.

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