I was in a bad mood this morning before my feet hit the floor. Instead of my 5-8 minutes of quiet morning meditation before starting the day, I came out full-force and swinging, awkward and off-balance to my family and miserable in my head. And since I had the feeling of crap already in my brain, I needed to link something to it to give it credence. My undefined downer needed justification. Nothing’s really happening that I can point at, so I make some things up, drag out old resentments, throw it all into a pot and stir. That’s how I whip up drama. In the past, that would be my day until my head hit the pillow.
Thanks to the Twelve Steps, I managed to pull over on my way to work, park in a Walgreen’s lot and do five minutes of eyes-closed meditation. The nebulous feeling of “ugh” slowly dissipated. Completely? No, but to the point where I could see it for what it was – cunning, baffling, powerful!
Next, I texted apologies to my wife, told her of the meditation, and that I’m doing better, thanks for understanding. Instead of ten hours of anxiousness, I was able to hit the reset button before anything was lost. So I stumbled out of the gate, dig deal. There’s still a full race to be run, and God knows I’m fast.
The Program is basically asking me a daily question: how long do I want to suffer?
For Today: Well?